Welcome to the Circus

Have you ever experienced a year in your life that just makes you want to change how your life is going? Oh, wait, we all did just survive 2020… and now 2021, so yes.

Photo by Vidal Balielo Jr. on Pexels.com

Well, that’s why I’m here. I have a lot of titles: wife, mom, teacher, student, daughter, friend, and sister (to name a few). Yet over the course of this extremely trying last year, I feel as though there is a part of me that has gotten lost in the dense burden of all those roles

I’ve been married to my husband, Steve, since 2017 and in 2019, we welcomed our identical twin daughters into the world. They’re amazing, busy little toddlers who love being outside jumping in muddy puddles (Thanks, Peppa Pig), reading books, and “helping” Mom with all the subsequent laundry from jumping in muddy puddles.

June 3, 2017

In February 2020, Steve lost his job. And then again in July. And in October. And again in March. In all, he’s had seven jobs since that first upheaval one year ago.

Then there’s the pandemic and all the crazy that it has introduced. As a teacher, I’ve been tandem teaching since August. I teach online students while at the exact same time teaching students in the classroom. I also decided to finish my master’s this year, because, hey, why not add something on top of everything else?

All that to say, I feel that some essential part of me has been neglected, partly out out the necessity of survival, and partly out of the crushing, guilty weight of feeling selfish. After all, someone has to be mom, breadwinner, cook, and domestic servant, right? Who has time to…write?

Except….

Except that I’m a better mom when I have time to do something I love (alone, I might add). I’m less resentful towards my husband and impatient with my students. When I have something I enjoy that’s just mine, it’s like a talisman burning in my chest that keeps my mind alive, my spirits high, and allows hope to thrive. It is my precious and rebellious act against the weariness of life during a time when all else seems to be about pouring myself out.

So here we are, embracing a little self-indulgence and a whole lot of self-love into 2021.

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